A Perfect Plan...

I never know when it's coming. But the reminders come. Sometimes it's a song, a flower, or Cowen's laughter... Sometimes it's nothing at all. The emptiness is just there. Like a lump in my throat I can't swallow. It doesn't happen very often. But definitely more this time of year...

Four years ago we walked into that ultrasound room without a care in the world... The kids were with us, debating on what the babies would be. They were both hoping for boys- Connor was definitely not ready for two more sisters and I think Brynn was pretty comfortable being the princess! But I remember telling them "No matter what we find out, God has a perfect plan for our family." I have played that moment over and over and over in my head... And I believe it now more than ever.

As much as I miss her, as much as it hurts- I never question why. Not ever. Of course I miss Lilly Kate more than I can put into words and I wish things could've been different but I know- as sure as I know anything- she is where she's meant to be. She's in our laughter, in our tears, in our JOYS. Lilly Kate changed me- she changed our family. A part of her lives on in each us... The way Cowen, that little healer of broken hearts, can brighten a room... the way Connor and Brynn look at their little brother with those adoring eyes... The way we love each other. It's because of her.

Her time with us- no matter how short- were some of the most precious moments of my life. I thank God every day for Lilly Kate and am so thankful for what she has brought to our lives. We miss you, precious angel...